i always will
by musicalfreak
Summary: "There are no words that will stop me from dragging you from your death, Caroline. So I'm not sure I'm willing to hear what you're about to say. I've saved you more than once, I'd gladly do it again." Klaroline. Future. Slight A/U. T for language.


Every year on the anniversary of Matt Donavon's death I come back to Mystic Grill to have a beer and leave a hundred dollar tip for my waiter.

Every year I expect the beer to taste better than the year before but despite all the brews this whole in the wall has seen in the last ten years, I still have not one nice thing to say about the taste.

I set my mug back onto the crumpling napkin and realize my foot's kicking to the electric-pop station that's crooning over the speakers.

Oh, how this place has changed since our days Matty.

I smile and pick the mug back up, the condensation drips onto the table and my top, taking the place of the tears I've shed in this booth over the years. Happy tears, as Matt lived to be like a hundred and had way too many kids and grandkids and died surrounded by everyone that loved him.

I saw him that day too; late after everyone had left I managed to slip into his bedroom and say my final goodbye.

With closed eyes I nod and tip my glass to 'cheers' into the emptiness across from me and downed the last of my beer.

It was weird watching people age and die while you just seem to wander aimlessly and pointlessly around them.

I expected it to happen and yet I wasn't prepared in the slightest bit. Watching Matt die, although completely peaceful and in a sense beautiful, was the second hardest thing I'd ever gone through.

The first being the death of my own mom.

"Here's a beer for you." My waiter told me, clinking it down in front of me and gesturing for my empty one.

I shook my head, "I didn't order that."

The waiter spun in a half circle to acknowledge the person who did, but looked at me quizzically, "He was right there a minute ago." He humph'd and shrugged his shoulders, "Enjoy a free beer."

I wanted to protest but the bar tender was hollering for him and free is free.

I replaced my deteriorating napkin with a new crisp one and as I clunked my new mug against it, I felt someone sit in the booth directly behind me. The rush of the wind that followed them caressed my neck and ran a shiver through me.

It was when I inhaled the subtle musky scent that I knew precisely who was invading my space.

He must've heard me sigh because I felt his chuckle through the cushion against my back.

"Hello stalker, did you have fun in Costa Rica?" I say quietly, pressing the brim of the mug to my lips to hide my coy smile.

"Yes, actually, how kind of you to send me on such a lovely vacation."

The low resonance of his voice caused my smile to grow wider, the hair on my arm standing on end.

"I'm a bit disappointed with our server tonight. I asked him to deliver that drink to the pretty blonde in the corner and he brought it to you instead."

I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.

Over the years we'd always kept tabs on each other, but it seemed these past five he'd been particularly pesky about my whereabouts. Hence the fake trip I took to Costa Rica to see if he'd follow me there.

He doesn't deserve another chance. I've told myself so many times and so many times I've slipped out of his bed at five in the morning with bad hair and smeared makeup.

I thought this was how vampires lived from century to century, travel and mindless sex. In a way it is, with infinite money the possibilities are endless.

And boring.

Which is why I reverted back to my 'old' self. It's the little things I enjoy waking up for, like mine and Matt's tradition and pissing Klaus off.

I put my mug back onto my table, "If you're trying to get a rise out of me, it's not going to work. But if you're looking to annoy me, congratulations."

I stared at the wall in front of me as I waited for a sly comeback.

The more I roam earth, the more I realize how childish our games are. At times I wish we could put everything behind us but my lingering fear is that once stripped of our little diversions, I won't be ready for what's unveiled.

We both are made of layers upon layers of hurt, grief, and sadness and I haven't been able to determine if our few layers of hope and goodness that remain can make up for all those weighing us down.

I know I'm stuck with these layers; I've started to slowly unpeel them. It's been a bit like ripping a Band-Aid off of your skin, but I'm working on it.

Klaus ignored my stab and sighed, "I'd ask what brought you back to the good ol' Falls but judging by the reminiscent glint in your eyes it must be Matt Donovan's-"

"Please don't." I rush, feeling the leash on my emotions go taught.

Klaus respects my wish, I feel him shift his weight as he takes a drink of whatever's in front of him.

Ten years later and I guess I'm not over it.

I mimic Klaus' motion and tip my beer into my mouth, finishing it.

"Can I buy you another?" He asks quietly and without any ounce of trickery.

I turn around in the booth so I'm facing the back of his head, "What do you want?"

Rather than turn and face me he stands from his seat and gestures to the bench in front of me.

"May I?"

I nod but watch him carefully as he sits down.

It's rare to see Klaus being nice. Even if I did see this side more than the average person, it was still a shock as he sat down and flagged the waiter over, ordering a pitcher of the brew on tab.

"Sea foam looks nice on you." I can't believe I'm saying it as its tumbling out of my mouth.

Klaus looks to his shirt as he pours me a drink; he's pained when his eyes meet mine. Probably at my failed attempt of being civil.

After replenishing our drinks he laces his fingers together and rests them against the table.

"You're sad." He says simply.

I don't miss a beat, "I am…wistful." I correct, "And even if I was sad, that's a cheap trick you know." I deflect from his first statement.

"What is?"

I roll my eyes, "Playing the "fix you" card."

"Oh?"

"Don't do this with me Nik," I took a sip of beer, "I think I know how you operate by now and even for you this is lame."

Klaus laughs as he drinks, "So I'm cheap _and _lame is it? How kind of you."

"All I'm saying is I'm not sleeping with you tonight."

An impish grin controls the corners of his lips, "Fair enough."

I shake my head and pour myself another drink, "Honestly, how easy do you think I am?"

Klaus' gaze holds mine as he frowns, "I don't believe you're easy at all, in any aspect, ever."

"Fair enough." I retort, pressing my glass yet again to my lips to hide my flattered smile.

We sit in silence as an upbeat song ends and a slow, soulful one begins. "Last call" the bartender shouts to those of us remaining.

"Would you take a walk with me?"

I almost don't realize he's talking to me, as his voice is so quiet, but his eyes find mine and I'm lost.

I want to tell him no, I want to remind him that we've taken plenty of 'walks', I want to tell him to just leave me alone.

But as I'm captured by his piercing stare, I realize that he is Klaus and I am Caroline, and there's little resistance against the temptation that shrouds him.

I nod slowly, pulling my purse onto my shoulder and follow him silently out of Mystic Grill.

The humidity swallows us as soon as we step onto the pavement, my skin gleams with sweat and my hair sticks to my temple. And yet I shiver.

I want to ask him ten annoying questions all at once. Where are we going, why are you really here, why have you been following me…but when I glance over to him and see his forehead creased tightly and his brow's pressing firmly together I forget all questions but one.

"What's wrong?" I ask softly, and the entirety of his face relaxes.

He stops walking and opens his mouth to speak, but only a sound emits, a growl of frustration. His eyes dart from each of mine, searching for something, maybe anything, to grasp onto.

I watch as he shoves his hand into his jacket pocket and angrily rips a ring from the coat's inner lining.

"Your daylight ring?" Incredulous, he waits for an answer.

I hold his gaze as long as I can before my confidence breaks and I'm staring at concrete, "Why were you in my hotel room?"

It's as if the ground has shocked him, the jolt begins in his legs and spikes through his entire being, "Why aren't you wearing it?"

His voice is heavy and his words seep through me. He steps closer and I see his fist clench and unclench.

"Honestly, I forget sometimes." I sheepishly continue to hide my eyes. I don't know why I do; it's not as if he's allowed to have any sort of opinion about my life.

"Is this about Matt?"

He asks and my eyes are on his instantly, my glare warning him not to continue.

"Your mother?"

"This is only about me. Okay?" I lunge and take the ring out of his open palm, "Just forget it." Mumbling I twist it back onto my right hand.

"Happy?" The word slashes through the air as I whip my wrist around for him to get a good view.

When he says nothing I turn to leave, but as I should've expected my wrist is caught in his hand.

"If you think that answer's sufficient enough to walk away from me you're incredibly wrong."

I turn to strike him, to yell for him to release me, to start another fight that lasts another two years, but when I face him, I can't. My arm relaxes into his grasp like dead weight.

I shake my head, "I'm just-"

"There are no words that will stop me from dragging you from your death, Caroline. So I'm not sure I'm willing to hear what you're about to say."

My eyes snap up to him, "Well last time I checked I don't think you have the right-"

"I've saved you more than once, I'd gladly do it again."

I clench my jaw so tightly to hide my shrill scream, "Why? Why even bother Nik? So we can keep playing games? Guess what, I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of all of this."

His gaze cast to the ground in search of words for a valid argument, his chest rose and fell evenly.

"The only reason you're doing this is for selfish reasons and you know it." I spat and rip my wrist from him, pulling it to my chest, claiming what was mine.

He shook his head in disbelief, "What happened to you? You were so lovely and happy and-"

"Full of light?" I'm still spewing.

Klaus frowns. I close my eyes and have to turn away.

"I guess that girl grew up."

Klaus appears in front of me, his hands smashing against my cheeks, "This is not what I wanted for you!" He breathes roughly, "This is not why I save you, Caroline."

"Why do you bother?" I am desolate and empty. I tilt my head away from him and he doesn't move. I back away from him, slowly turning, "It's not like we have anything to live for." I throw over my shoulder and I feel it's my perfect exit moment. I take one full step.

"You're the selfish one."

I freeze.

"I'm selfish? Really?"

He nods slowly, the corners of his lips turn down, "Really."

I am baffled.

"How does any of this make me selfish?" When he says nothing, I am an inferno.

"I'm a good friend, I don't intentionally hurt people, I'm nice despite everything, I donate to charities, I give homeless people clothes, fuck I held my own mother as she died." My eyes blaze as a stubborn tear escapes down my cheek, "I don't know what your definition of selfish is but I am not it."

As I catch my breath the fireflies danced across the road, and for one second, I wish I was one of them. They have short life spans, regardless of their character and they're beautiful and entertaining, but no one thinks twice about the death of a firefly.

Klaus nods, stepping closer to me, "You say I'm the selfish one?" his eyes wide with fury, "How can I be selfish when all I think of is you?"

My breath is taken from me. I can only stare at him as my bottom lip starts to quiver, "Please don't." I whisper, "Don't go there."

I can feel the heat from his chest he is so close to me now, "I will go anywhere for you, _anywhere. _If you think for one second I'm letting you walk away from me with the intention of killing yourself then I-"

His voice cracks.

I look up at him and he looks away. He licks his bottom lip and clears his throat. I think I see moist droplets brimming around the corner of his eyes but he hastily swipes them away.

I gingerly raise my hand to his cheek, beckoning him to look at me.

He does, finally. His eyes are a pained, deep blue and for a second everything around us fades away.

"I cannot fathom the thought of you not existing on this planet. If that's selfish then I'll be selfish. I will stop you every time; I will keep you here and bring you back always. I will make you happy and angry over and over again, but I will not stop being yours. I will never stop loving you the way I do."

I am stunned into silence, I search his eyes for truth and it's there. Right in his eye lies his soul, a piece of which he just laid out in front of me to take or to stomp on.

"I have to go-" I begin but can't end. Because it is a lie.

Maybe he's right, maybe I was the selfish one.

He lets me though, move away from him.

I can't explain what courses through my veins as my steady walk turns into a bursting run. I am angry, and sad and disappointed and all of these are leaning heavily on top of me as I race through the park, and then into the woods.

I should've known he'd follow me, but I'm doubled over now. Not from physical pain, but because the emotional bricks that were stacked up so neatly before have all come tumbling down.

"I'm done." I huff them out like it's a challenge, wringing my daylight ring off my finger. The early mist of morning cast a shadow against Klaus' pale face.

"I can't anymore…I just-" I press my lips together as two nearly identical tears fell down my cheeks and I slink to sit on the forest ground.

Klaus stands behind me at a distance, I know he's there and can hear my sorrowful cries, but they won't stop coming.

He doesn't say anything, and I can't stop, ""I tried to turn it off."

"What?" He asked, nervously watching the night disappear.

"My humanity. But it didn't work." I shrug, holding my ring up to the emerging light, the lapis lazuli gleaming blue, "I'm broken." I hear him come closer and sit next to me.

"In some cultures, suicide is viewed as weak."

I'm so caught off guard that I laugh, a hauntingly hollow laugh, "Maybe I am."

"You are not weak."

I shake my head; my hand runs through my hair to expose my eyes, "If I'm so strong, then why am I here? Why am I so eager to die?"

Klaus listens quietly, he doesn't answer my questions though, just stares into the distance. I wonder if he expected this, or if I caught him by surprise.

"You should've stayed in Costa Rica." I say lamely, scuffing my feet around the brush I'm sitting on.

It makes me nervous that he still has no response. I shuffle the leaves around a little more as I wait; for him or the sunrise I'm not so sure.

"Alright." He says simply, and I think he's given up on me, "Put your ring back on, let's go."

I continue to sit as he pulls himself up and starts to walk away, "Where-"

He turns around sharply, "Look, if you want to end your life, fine, I'm not going to stop you. But-"

Klaus mulls his words over in his head before letting me in on them, "But I want to try to change your mind."

"How are you going to do that?"

"Well I can tell you it won't happen in the next ten minutes."

I glance at the horizon, the darkened blue of night slowly receding as the early morning gray starts to appear. The sun would be up soon.

"Why? Why do you want to save me again?" My voice shakes warily.

"Because if you were gone, what then would be the point of my own existence?"

I follow him because I'm curious, because he was honest, because I have to,

Because I am not selfish.

* * *

**A/N:**** I think this will have a few more chapters to it, I'm really feeling some a/u future klaroline stuff. Maybe some flashbacks to see what pushed Caroline to who she is now, I want to touch on her mom and Matt for sure. And maybe resolve everything…haha, maybe.**

**Btw, anyone else notice how a lot of the klaroline ff writers kind of disappeared? Like, how many of us are left? (also point me in the direction of some current fics or at least good finished ones!) **

**We are our own inspiration now, but if you're like me then you're in too deep to abandon ship, so set sail my friends. It's going to be a long and lonely journey!**

**Jaime**


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